Thursday, September 15, 2011

A little bit behind

I'm still trying to work on things but am struggling with motivation and finding the time. Some of this is probably somewhat related to depression, which has been a factor in my life since just after finishing high school. I'm not trying to make excuses, but just acknowledging that it's a factor that does effect me sometimes, and quite a bit since I've come back to Korea. I felt quite a rush of homesickness upon coming back here. It's hard to believe I've been here since 2003. Also being back at work, and juggling that with the now masters work is a new challenge for me. I'm quite busy and am feeling the stress and strain from it. I am seriously thinking of quitting the band I play in as I think I just have too much on the table for it now. It feels a bit sad since it's a good band with lots of potential, and music is an important part of my life. But I figure I can always get another band down the road, and life is about making sacrifices sometime, and I don't feel I can really put the practice time into the band anyway, and they are fairly driven. I don't want to be the weak link.

I am reading on my commutes to and from work (about an hour and fifteen minutes each way, taking into consideration transfers I read maybe 50 minutes on the way in and the same on the way home. I'm also trying to keep going to the gym to keep myself healthy and fight depression. I spend about one hour of each gym trip on an exercise bike, and read during that time as well. I just finished reading Philosophical Foundations of Adult Ed, by Elias and Merriam and found it an interesting read. I'm reading Pedagogy of the Oppressed now and thinking of reading all of the "Contexts of Adult Ed, Canadian Perspectives" next and then keep on reading foundational material before moving onto more specialized stuff and articles. As I read I am highlighting things I think might be important or of interest. I'm a bit worried I'm not keeping close enough track of quotes and pages, but hopefully the highlighting is somewhat helpful. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm trying, but realize that I'm perhaps falling short. 

Around the middle of last week I printed out a lot of the articles I had collected since starting the FI. I'm trying to get organized and change habits. One things I've learned about myself related to the depression and motivation issue is that seems to come and go in waves. Sometimes I'm reasonably motivated and seem to be on track and disciplined, and then I go though phases where I am not so productive. Having said all that and harped on depression, I can say that generally I've been a lot better in the last eight years or so. I've worked steadily since coming to Korea and have only called in sick once in all that time. There was a time before that where I had never held a job for more that about seven or eight months and pretty much escaped life with perpetual sleep.

Today I put the picture I made on my first day at the Foundations Institute up in my office as well as my study project "Goal, What, Who, Where, When, Why, How" from the FI project that I still didn't pass in. I did finally open it and look at it today as well as add one more annotation. I talked to my wife about making a study schedule and trying my best to stick to it. 

I've been feeling a bit reluctant to contact my advisor as I haven't gotten a lot done and have felt a bit guilty about it. At the same time, I should try to keep in contact. I did just send an email to her and hope to connect by skype sometime soon.

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